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Who's Paying for What?

08 MAY 2012 HAZEL ANDERSON

wedding wisdoms money jar pictureIn the dinosaur days when you still lived at home until you were 21 and married your childhood sweetheart it was tradition for the bride's parents to foot most of the wedding bills and the groom's parents to chip in with certain things. It's different now. There are no rules anymore.

 

Many couples choose to live together before a wedding celebration, many couples choose have a family together before a wedding celebration, these factors change the traditional formula of who pays for what! It really is a very individual approach depending of the circumstances of everyone involved. Unless' Mum and Dad' offer to pay for everything it really is a case of having a carefully constructed conversation to find out if either side are interested in contributing.

 

An honest and gracious approach is paramount when you explain that your wedding is taking place and you have a certain vision of how you would like your day to shape up. Then as gently as possible ask if they would like to be involved in making a contribution as it will make a difference to your decisions on venue/suppliers , etc. Now when I say 'your 'decision if the parents wish to be involved it then becomes perhaps a their 'decision'. Something to remember to take into account if parents hand over hard cash when the time comes. Alternatively parents may offer a sum of money, lets say £20,000. Remember to keep them informed on what that money will be spend on. Whew! Easier said than done I know.....a perfect scenario may be to split the wedding costs three ways the brides family, the grooms family and the bride and groom themselves.

 

However this is not a perfect world and you have to deal with real life situations whatever they are and move forward with a plan. My goodness, a bit of a mine field and difficult to give specific advise as there are no rights and wrongs.

One of the most pleasant weddings I have experienced was a young couple about( 22 and 23)who came to see me two years ahead of the wedding date. They knew the date, venue, numbers, menu, in fact almost everything was pinned down and this was to be quite a large wedding which they were paying for themselves. They did not have high paying jobs just passionate about 'their' day and told me all about their savings plan to achieve it. I was so impressed with them!

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